Jon Swift’s latest post is even funnier than usual: a roundup of right-wing bloggers’ conspiracy theories about Barack Obama. My mind was boggled to discover that Obama

• was involved on domestic terrorist bombings while attending Columbia.
• didn’t actually write Dreams of My Father; instead it was written by none other than Bill Ayers! The proof: the use of nautical imagery and writing at a high school reading level. Well, blow me down! I could have written his book, but I guess that ship has sailed.
• had an affair with an employee, who was forced to move to the Caribbean.
• was not born in the U.S. and his birth certificate was forged. It turns out he was born in Kenya but is actually an Indonesian agent! Who knew?
• had a gay “affair” with a pedophile when he was nine. As has been pointed out, normally this would be called sexual abuse—but not if you’re a liberal running for president!
• his wife attacked “American white racists” in a phone interview with an obscure online news site. I had heard about this one elsewhere. Apparently, when on the phone, Michelle Obama can barely speak English!

It goes on and on—my favorite is that “Obama had cocaine-fueled gay sex in the back of a limousine with a not-very-attractive disabled man with a criminal background,” but read it for yourself. Swift’s Stephen-Colbert-does-blogging commentary is priceless. As usual.

You have to wonder what’s going to happen to these people if Obama gets elected. Are we going to wake up November 5th to the pop-pop-pop sound of tiny heads exploding around the country?